Learning to say no.

Good for you Lizzie…baby steps. I’m a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. You have to have enough confidence, respect and fortitude in yourself to say No!! Your time is valuable, not to be taken advantage of. The local shop closes when it closes….it doesn’t stay open for a individual because they feel entitled that it should. It will get easier the more you stand up for yourself…your worth it!!!

Thanks June. Saying no has always been a real struggle for me and it’s not really such an issue for the vast majority of friends and family who are respectful and thoughtful. But there are one or two who always try to push the limits. You are completely correct in that I need to build confidence, but I feel like I’ve taken a positive step in that direction today. 👍 Xx

It took me a long time, to learn how to say “no”.
I must say, I have mastered it well, now!
Ask yourself… “how long will this request take me to fulfil?… would that person do the same for me?”
We often do things for others, without expectation of anything in return… that is a good thing. When that person repeatedly expects you to do it, for nothing… you allow yourself to be “used”.
Learn to value yourself, your time and your own ideals.
People might value your time and effort more, if they have to go to a retail outlet, once in a while, and have to pay full price for someone’s time and expertise.
Good luck. xxx

Thanks Julez. That’s great advice. xx

After many nights in the kitchen, feeling exactly as you so eloquently describe, and many days lost due to cake hangover, I do now charge adequately, ( makes me feel much less grumpy ) refuse last minute orders, ( unless it’s a great idea and I want to do it ) and I’m trying to space out what I do to avoid burn out. I always think about how long a cake would take and ask myself if that person would give similar time to me, for nothing. Would my stepdads daughter for example, drive me 500 miles to Scotland and back, taking 10 hours and a lot of patience and skill on the journey, for the price of the petrol? No, she would not. I shall not therefore make her a two tier cake which will take me just as long, stuck in the kitchen,using my skills, neglecting my own needs etc, for the price of the eggs and flour.
Good luck with it. I’m applauding your difficult “no”. Well done. X

Wow, this sounds exactly like it could be written by me! I to have a hard time saying “no”, because the cakes are for family and friends. Maybe if they were for strangers, it would be easier. Sorry I can’t offer you any advice, because I am in the same boat as you!

You’ve managed it once, Lizzie, now you will find it a wee bit easier each time you feel the need to refuse a request. Good for you.
:D
I am paid for my cakes, but I do cakes for my niece and nephews as birthday presents. They get to choose a theme for their cake, but I keep it to a “normal” size- typically an 8" or 9", and as it’s a gift I get to decide what it will look like.
Special occasions like anniversaries or showers will also usually get a cake or cupcakes, but as it’s a gift from me I don’t feel the need to cater for however many guests may be at the party. And if I have a hectic workload for the week before the party, the cake may not be terribly elaborate.
If my family or friends ask me for a cake or cupcakes, then they get to call the shots the way my other customers do – but they get a discount! :P
And I do enjoy making them, because it’s often an opportunity for me to try a new technique on a cake.
I feel that if you are doing the cakes at no cost to the recipients, then they are gifts and you should be “calling the shots”.

Lizzie I hear ya! There are those odd few out there that push the limits and don’t quite appreciate the amount of work involved or time needed to create something special. I am so proud of you taking a stand as I know it is so hard to do that. I read once that you don’t want to be known as the cheap cake lady that everyone goes to for their cakes not because they are amazing but because they are either free or ‘affordable’ (i.e. cheap!). You want people to come to you because they love your work and want you specifically for that reason – saying no will help sift out those little buggers who are in it for the free ride and want more.

Hear, hear! I agree with every single comment made. Well done Lizzie, I also have been in the same predicament but have recently had to use the dreaded ‘No’ and although hard at the time I am so glad I did

its clearly a common problem and agree with the thread, we all have a desire to please everyone and not let anyone down or say no. We aim to please and are in the happy industry of bringing pleasure to others, that is why its so hard… I still find it hard to say no, especially friends and family, they are the hardest. but no matter how busy I am , my grand-kids and my cousins boys never go without a cake from me. my sons and hubby are really understanding and supportive actually and always happy to get a plain and delicious, undecorated cake from me. I also find it hard to say no, when im asked to do a cake I find particularly exciting to do, but slowly coming to realise that its just not possible to take on every single order… and collaboration too as Im now having to say no to these exciting projects too with other demands in the cake orders and teaching arena.
Great discussion Lizzie, glad you raised it :)