I know that miscarriage is taboo, hard to understand, and a really uncomfortable as a subject of the conversation. It’s straight up awkward. I don’t want to share my story of loss to make you feel uncomfortable. I share it because my story is one of the million other. I share it because so many people are alone in this, silent… Ten years ago…when I experienced my second miscarriage at almost twelve weeks pregnant , one of the deepest scars it left me with was fear. As I grieved the loss of my child, and what could have been, I was also paralyzed by a fear that I would never again have a healthy child. My miscarriage was so sudden, so unexpected. I had been in to my doctor’s office for a perfect, normal ultrasound just the day before. I saw my baby moving and growing normally: the perfect heartbeat, the size right on track. Then, my baby passed away inside me… The next few weeks…months…years… were a blur of deep sadness like I’ve never experienced before. I told close friends and family about my loss but no one really knew what to say or how to react. No one shares their stories. For a woman, carrying a child should be the most natural thing in the world, so when you feel like you can’t do that properly, it’s almost shameful. For a while, I felt that way about myself but have since changed my views. I am a mother now. I have a child, conceived after my second miscarriage. I love my son dearly: he is perfect, wonderful and amazing. I am aware that the pain of other women who never carry a child must be greater than mine. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not hurt..

My inspiration Art by Luke Chueh

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