24 Replies

I took it really personally some years ago when a good friend went (who had christening cake number one from me three years previously) decided to get another decorator to do the second christening cake. She liked the first one but still went to another source to get number two. I have learnt over the years not to be soooooo sensitive!

I totally understand. I am learning not to take it as personal as well.

I don’t mind so much if it’s a child’s birthday or a less important birthday because special occasion cakes and cupcakes are expensive and I don’t expect my friends and family to shell out that sort of money if it’s their child’s second birthday or their 33rd. In that case Ihave no problem with them popping into the supermarket and picking one up or to the bakery for one of those easy to make photograph cakes. But when special occasions pop up, like milestone birthdays, Christenings and the like they do come to me because it’s then that they want a cake they’ll remember for the rest of their lives. x

I must confess I take personally, I always try to hide it, but it bothers me. Anyway I’m trying to change that about me, they are free to do whatever they want to. I’m so touchy!

I try not to let it bother me, but somewhere deep inside, it does. I had an occasion where someone very close to me called to ask if I was bringing a cake because she had already ordered one – NOW, THAT TAKES THE CAKE… no pun intended!

I also donate a cake a month to an institution and whenever they have a party, they order a cake from somewhere else. Go figure…

Oh, well, we can’t change people, but we can certainly change how we react to their insensitivity :)))

@ Funfetti- Wow… They willingly take the cakes you donate but go somewhere else to order cakes for an event?? Smh. LOVE the last line!

@ Conspira…- I’m the same way! But as I stated above, I’m learning to not take it so personally or not be so sensitive.

@ Lizzie-I love your stance on it. It seems as if you dont let it bother you.

Sometimes it gets to me because some people [friends or family] will want whatever I bake when its free, but if they have to pay, they either act as if they don’t want anything anymore or they go somewhere else. But as funfetti said "we can’t change people, but we can certainly change how we react to their insensitivity! :-)

Most of the time, I don’t mind at all. I completely understand not being able to spend a lot of money on a fancy cake all the time or needing something last minute, etc. But currently My best friend is getting married and she doesn’t want me to make her wedding cake. It honestly hurts my feelings.. I feel like she feels like I’m not good enough for her wedding.. I try not to think about it/let it bother me though. I know such is life and these things will happen.

Sometimes I think that people do not wish to mix business and pleasure. Some people find it really awkward to even think of paying a friend to do some work for them. And worry about what would happen if the order went wrong. Would this effect your friendship? (Not that it would of course, because we are all so capable…..:) but you know what I mean!!) We had a friend who was a plumber who was totally insulted because we went elsewhere for central heating – until my other half explained that he has a rule – never ever to ask friends to do work for him. Simply because he had too many experiences of work not being done correctly or bits missing and incomplete and therefore – this is now tricky to berate a friend, because the job is not correct. So he will not even start going there. So bear in mind there are people out there who think this way too. It simply is not personal, they perhaps are not good at communicating what they want in the first place and then worry if the order is not completed the way they want, and would rather argue with a stranger and not spoil a friendship! It definitely is not personal – rather the other persons way of looking at things!

It honestly doesn’t bother me when people go somewhere else; sometimes it’s actually a relief. You do wind up in that awkward “we’re friends, but this is business” kind of discussions. Don’t get me wrong, I have gifted lots of cakes (including wedding cakes), so I am a good friend. FYI, anytime I “gift” cake to someone, I let them pick and design the cake before I announce the gift. Sometimes people get ambitious when they know it won’t cost them anything. Holding off until the end allows me to decide on what I’m willing to “spend” for the gift. If you pick a $500 wedding cake – Congratulations, cake’s on me! If you pick out a super detailed $2000 wedding cake? Congratulations, I’m going to knock $500 off as my present to you!

It’s a bit weird if as you girls mentioned it’s a really special occasion and they don’t even check with us… but if it’s a regular birthday it’s ok. When it comes to price, its the same here- they always say it’s too expensive and cry over and over for the price to go down. When it comes to a free one,guess what?Then I’m the nice one…. =o/ Unfortunately in my place the artistic cakes aren’t that common and I’m struggling A LOT to get clients who are willing to pay for my cakes. That’s why I’m doing other things along with the cakes.

Hi Jennifer of Cup a Dee Cakes. Totally agree about letting the design be picked and finalized prior to offering a gift. I got caught out offering a 21st birthday cake as a ‘gift’. My best friend wanted an English rugby ball. That’s great I said – I will do it for the birthday present. (In my mind envisaging hiring the rugby ball shape tin and making an old fashioned leather traditional rugby ball – easy peasy) As soon as I offered the gift, my friend announced she did not want just a half a rugby ball which was what the tin allowed you to do – but a ball that looked like a ball – which meant cooking two cakes and trying to cover in fondant icing (without getting creases in the icing) Sitting on what should look like grass. I was already thinking this was tricky when she then announced ‘oh and I want his name in big bold letters on the side in that flat icing you do, and the logo of the company that creates the ball and the English Rose crest that the England players have on their ball that they play with. This meant trying to do a ’run out’ with flooding icing into a piped edge, but not onto a flat surface because of the rounded shape of the ball!!! Ahhhhhhhh. Did I do it – yes. Did it take me hours – yes. Would I do it again – No. What did I learn – keep quiet about a gift until the cake is designed and finalized!!! Needless to say the value of the cake was waaaaaaaayy more than I would have gifted for this birthday boy. Lesson learnt.

Well, I don’t take it personally.
I know, after seeing more of your bakes, they will change their mind and come back to you instead! =)

Honestly, it used to really bother me. Now I prefer to attend parties where I didn’t provide the cake! Why? 1) I know I was invited because they wanted ME there, not the cake 2) No chance of them asking me to cut & plate the cake, so I’m really a guest 3) don’t have to stress if I can hear if the guests like my cake or not, I can just enjoy the party and 4) it’s an easy way to check out the competition : )

I think there are a lot of people who say baking cakes for family is really not all it’s cracked up to be and aside from the bridezilla to work with, family probably ranks right up there. If they are willing to pay, they always want more than you bargained for, or want to cut the order to save money, when you are already giving a discount. I haven’t had issues with my friends over cakes and cake charges. I’ve tried to just set it up from the start, I’m a business, doing business to make money. If i ever decide to give a discount, that’s up to me and I give it as a gift. But they aren’t to expect it. It does cost something for me to make the items, and there is some time involved. I have a customer who has two friends who make cakes. She and I aren’t friends other than our business relationship. When she has a special birthday cake she wants, she comes to me. I take that as a huge compliment. So maybe it’s that your friends have other friends who bake also and are trying to spread the love.

I wish I didn’t take it personally, but I do. I had a good friend a few years ago get married who decided to go somewhere else for her cake. Then at the wedding asked me to cut and serve it!

I try not to take it personally but I still feel hurt a bit by it… but then again sometimes relief. I find that some friends expect to get it almost for free and because they are friends I feel bad charging them my regular prices… I am doing a friends daughters birthday next week and it was very short notice and she wants a two tier cake for $40. I felt like saying there is no way I can do it for that price but I work with her and I felt obligated in some way… So I am basically making no money on this and doing it anyway. I am only an occasional baker from my home so it is hard to just give them away.
OMG Larissa, that is unbelievable, how rude!

If it’s for my nieces/nephews birthdays, I would be offended if my family went somewhere else but they don’t. The kiddos all get excited to help design what their cake will be. Some years one of my snephes wants ice cream cake so they buy that at the store, but I don’t mind at all obviously because that is what he wants. My Aunts never ask me to make cakes for family parties, but that’s because they throw everything together last minute and just order a sheet cake from a store and they know I am usually busy. SO I guess if it’s close family/friends it would bother me but otherwise it doesn’t really bug me.

At first, it would bother me. It didnt happen often, but it did happen a few times. After realizing the reason for it, it no longer bothered me. Even though I give my friends a “discount” my fondant cakes can still be on the expensive side and sometimes its not within their means.

I’m usually happy with it now because I can avoid the unfortable feeling when you give them the price and they have “that look”.

Initially it really did bother me. It still does to a certain point but I’m starting to let things slide off my back more. The way I see it – a few less hours of me in the kitchen!

I don’t take it personal should they get their cakes somewhere else. Of course, there are just notes on my head I recorded so ill be on track. But what I can’t understand, if you gave a free cake… Either they’ll order to someone else or they’ll ask you how to do it so they’ll do by themselves. And, take note… They’ll cut our friendship after I decline sharing, but I always give a suggestions though. I never get support from anyone and I was trying hard to put up a home business.

I’m grateful when they go somewhere else cause generally I would be working for just about $0 or close to it.

Am a newbie to this site and have being baking and decorating cakes for a while and i do take it very personal when it happens, i bully my family in to getting their cakes from me and they are better off.

I don’t take it personally. It means I get a break from my busy schedule, or someone else will come along and order a cake on that same day.

The only time I ran into a situation where I was not only hurt but offended was when my best gf got married (no wedding cake b/c they eloped in Jamaica-I did take them 4hrs both way to the airport but that’s what friends are for lol) anyway after she found out I had decided to actually expand into a real business, we weren’t even talking about it but she said out of the blue that she would not ever order a cake for me because her new mother in law makes all the family cakes (not professionally). I am not sure if it was the way she blurted it out like she had been saving it up for me or if I just thought it was silly to say, I would never hit them or any of my friends up to purchase from me. If I offer it’s free! Anyway, two weeks later her and her husband asked my fiancé and I to join some pyramid thing with them to help their business! I was just so shocked that she wanted me to invest my money for her company and flat out tell me never expect any support from her in my business lol. But maybe that’s why it is awkward doing business with friends/family, I have a difficult time charging them when they ask!